


Heaven Go Easy On Me

by why_didnt_i_get_any_soup



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Acting, Biphobia, Drama, Drinking, F/F, Food, Partying, Swimming, Swimming Pools
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-19 20:41:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4760336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/why_didnt_i_get_any_soup/pseuds/why_didnt_i_get_any_soup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Jo is a lesbian who is invited to a showing of Peter Pan by a cute classmate who's playing Wendy. But when she gets to the play, she is immediately taken by the girl playing Peter. Because they always have a girl playing Peter. After the show, Jo sees the girl in an alley smoking and Jo takes the opportunity to introduce herself. The rest of the story is them spending time together and forming a romance that Jo is convinced will never happen, especially not with a bisexual girl like Anna."<br/>Written for the SPN Femslash Mini-Bang 2015</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heaven Go Easy On Me

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [SPN Femslash Mini-Bang 2015 over on livejournal](http://spnfemminibang.livejournal.com/). Art by [chromaticwish](http://chromaticwish.tumblr.com/) [here](http://chromaticwish.tumblr.com/post/128622293999/for-spnfemslashminibang-2015-worked-with).

Jo wasn't exactly interested in theatre, and she wasn't exactly interested in going places by herself so she wasn't entirely sure how she wound up at a local production of _Peter Pan_ , on a Saturday night no less. She'd gotten a Facebook invitation from a classmate, someone she'd talked to a few times and would definitely know if Jo wasn't there, but the ticket was twenty _god damn_ dollars. _What the fuck are they trying to finance at this establishment anyway?_ Probably a new facility, actually. It was all downstairs from street level, wedged between a bar and some law offices, and rented out from the Chabad House of Worship. Parking had been a fucking nightmare, even this late at night, because all the spots were taken up by the downtown night life—clubs and restaurants and more bars. She was really not sure why she was there. Probably 'cause that girl from her class was so cute, and playing Wendy. And, hey, maybe there would be some kissing?

…

Turned out, there was _no_ kissing. But Jo was fairly certain that Peter was played by a girl. _Is that common practice?_ Jo thought, filing out into what could be potentially considered a lobby with the rest of the audience who all stopped to greet respective cast members who had come out, still in costume . It was ten at night, dark and drizzling rain.

"Fuck." She muttered to herself, looking for a slightly more covered route back to her car. She ducked into the alley next to the Chabad House, which had a slight awning extending halfway across. As she moved further, she saw a figure standing in the light by a door, dressed in green. Her stomach rolled, but not because she thought she was going to get robbed. All the other cast members were talking to the audience, so why couldn't Jo talk to Peter?

"Do you suppose I could I bum a cigarette off you?" she said as she approached, squinting at Peter, whose skin looked sickly in the yellow light reflecting off her white stage make up. And Peter was definitely a girl, with her red hair all pinned up to look like a boy's cut. She was _beautiful_.

"You know, I don't actually smoke. I have anxiety, so it helps after a show like _that_." The girl replied.

"Wait. You think that was a bad show?" Jo baulked, her hand freezing midair as the girl was reaching out to hand her a cigarette.

The girl didn't bother to respond, just quirked an eyebrow as if to say "you're kidding, right?"

"Here," The girl iterated, just to get Jo's attention again and hand the cigarette off.

"Got a light?" Jo asked, looking sheepish as she tucked the cigarette between her teeth.

"You don't really smoke, do you?" The girl pinned her with a look that compelled Jo to tell the truth.

"No, not really. I just wanted a reason to talk to you."

"Name's Anna." The girl said, sticking her right hand out for a shake.

"Jo." Jo replied, taking it and shaking briskly.

"Nice to meet you, Jo. Short for Jo—"

"Anna." Jo filled in.

"Joanna? Is that so. Nice name. What made you go by Jo instead of Anna?"

Jo shrugged. "Do I look much like an Anna?"

"No, I suppose not." Anna laughed.

"Then there you go." Jo handed the cigarette back and turned to walk away.

"What are you doing after this, Jo?" Anna called after her.

"I was gonna try not to get my jeans wet and go home." Jo stopped and turned back around.

"You sure you don't want to get a little wet? Could be fun." Anna shrugged and dropped her cigarette on the ground, stubbing it out with her ballet flat.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Why don't I wipe off this make up and we'll find out."

Jo nodded, words sticking in her throat. _Was this girl implying what Jo thought she was implying?_ Couldn't be.

"Come on." Anna beckoned, opening the door she was standing next to and descending down into the dark belly of the old building.

Anna was not shy. She stripped down to her panties and bra, chatting about how shit the show apparently was, gossiping about all the gay boys and their sex drama, blissful that the "dressing room" was empty. It took her all of five minutes to put her shirt and shorts on and smear the grease paint off with a few make up remover wet towels.

"I'm impressed." Jo said, hopping off the counter she'd perched on.

Anna shrugged, smirking a little. "Lots of practice. Hey, you're twenty-one, right?"

"Twenty-two, actually."

"Good, then we're definitely going to get drunk."

"Are you a student? Emory or something?"

"Ha!" Anna barked out a laugh. "I got in to Emory and went for a semester and dropped out. Couldn't really tell my parents so I just stayed down here."

"Oh." Jo nodded, not sure what to say to that. It's hard to say anything to people who drop out of school, especially when you're still in school.

"Come on. First round's on me." Anna smirked, pulling Jo up and out the side door again by her wrist.

…

Nothing happened that night. The two of them got pretty drunk at a bar and Anna was leaning into Jo a lot, putting her face in the crook of Jo's neck, in her hair and then they walked to a club where the music was spilling out and the girls in tall heels and short dresses were trying not to get wet as they stood in the line.

They danced and ignored boys and sobered up into the small hours of the night. Then they put each other's numbers into their phones as they walked back toward the Chabad building. At that point, they were sober enough to drive. Probably. And Jo figured she'd never hear from Anna again, especially with the busy life of an actor.

But Anna hugged Jo tightly before she ducked into her car.

"I'll see you later, kid." She smiled knowingly and Jo felt a pit in her stomach.

Could you fall in love with someone in just one night?

…

Wednesday morning, Jo saw she'd gotten a text message from Anna at 2:13 AM. _Come pick me up after rehearsal on thursday, 9 o'clock. Just walk in_. Jo stared at it for a few minutes. Before that, Jo had sent a _hey it's jo_ text, showing up blue and indicating that they both had iPhones. Jo had seen Anna's, it was an older one with a cracked screen and Jo's was nice and new, freshly purchased by her parents. She felt like a child compared to Anna, someone who was on their own and paying for their own things.

 _Okay_ , she texted back, her stomach rolling. She had never expected Anna to text her. Like, ever again. The rest of her day at school was spent checking her phone to see if Anna texted back to confirm or change her mind or tell her that she meant to send the text to someone else. But a text message never came back. She fell asleep and then went to school the next day, again with no text messages from Anna.

Thursday night, she concentrated on her homework, and kept her phone off and across the room until 8:30, dreading the drive up I-75, one that should only have taken 10 minutes but would take 30 due to all the traffic.

The street parking was less full this time since it was a Thursday night and there wasn't an audience. Her palms were sweaty as she parked and her stomach had never really stopped rolling every time she pictured Anna's face. She'd just shut off the engine when her phone finally buzzed and she thought her stomach couldn't feel any worse, but it did. She pulled it out of her pocket as she stepped into the balmy southern night air and read the text from Anna: _just got out come on in_.

Quickly, Jo ducked into the front of the building, half expecting the door to be locked and ready to just go the fuck back home. She stood there in the Chabad House foyer for a minute before deciding to proceed into the building where the play had been held. Her hands hadn't stopped sweating and before she got into the stage area, she heard a gaggle of voices ascending to her ears. Most of them were boys' voices, some of the lispy and high, others lower and heartier. Suddenly, she was gripped with fear. What if they said something? What if they made assumptions? What if they embarrassed her? _Fuck_.

She emerged into the hall—service area?—and saw the group of people moving towards the exit, some clumped in groups and others gathering their stuff from where they had left them in the pews. It was mostly boys and about four girls, scampering around and singing at each other—obviously songs from the show, as she recalled. Anna's eyes caught Jo's in the back of the room and smiled brightly. She was flanked by two other boys, one of them Jo recognized him as the one who played John Daily.

Anna waved at her like there was a great distance between them, calling "Jo! Jo!" She was smirking and all the people close to Anna turned to look at Jo. Her face went red and Anna beckoned her over again. When she finally approached, awkwardly keeping her hands in her pockets. "Everyone, this is Jo."

"Oh la-la." One of the boys with a lispier voice said, the one who had played John. Jo ducked her head for a second, nearly paralyzed with anxiety.

"Hello." She called, realizing how rude she looked. She waved at the room as a whole and before she could say anymore, Anna had her by the wrist and charging up the stairs.

"See you all tomorrow!" she called and a chorus of "later!"'s followed them into the foyer. Everyone seemed in a good mood and Jo was kind of surprised.

"You guys seem really chipper…" she remarked, posing it more as a question without actually asking a question.

"Yeah. We just had a pick-up rehearsal." Anna explained, laughing with Jo looked confused. "It's basically we haven't done the show since Sunday so we just come together on Thursdays and just kind of run through it. But usually people don't take them that seriously." She laughed, clearly remembering something someone did during the rehearsal. "It usually kind of pisses off the understudies though."

Jo found herself totally forgetting that understudies existed. She didn't have much to say about them as they stepped out into the night.

"So," Anna paused outside the door, stepping to the side a little bit just to chat, "Where are we going tonight?"

Jo felt the confused look on her face, one that elicited a huge laugh from Anna. "I…" she tried to defend herself but couldn't come up with anything.

"I'm just teasing. I dragged you out here. It's my job to have a plan. Ever seen _Wayne's World?_ "

"Er…yes?"

"So, you have seen it?"

"Yes." Jo was more firm this time.

"Okay. Let's grab some beer from a corner store and make our way to the airport."

Jo just nodded. Were that at this stage already? The one where they sit around and talk about believing in aliens and life? Maybe lesbians really did move fast. Third date's the moving van, right?

Before Jo could even stop herself, as they were sliding into her car, her mouth opened and her voice said "Are you a lesbian?"

She froze, not sure what was going to happen but Anna didn't miss a beat. "Bisexual." She answered, clicking in her seatbelt and already reaching to fiddle with the radio.

"Oh."

"Are you a lesbian?"

Jo could feel Anna's eyes on her and she knew her face was red, but she just nodded through it. "Yeah. Yeah, I am."

"Do the parents know?" Anna smirked.

"Ah, no. Not yet. I never really…had a serious relationship where it became pertinent to share and then…I moved away for college, you know?"

Anna hummed in reply. "There's a reason I'm here on my own." She sounded sad. And of course she did. "It's probably better that you never told your folks. You can still go visit them for Christmas if you really want to."

"Hah. Well, it's just my mom anyway. She runs her own business. A restaurant. So, you know, she's always busy anyway." Jo pulled her car into the parking lot of a gas station and Anna told her she'd be right back.

After a few minutes, Anna emerged with a six pack of a beer with green bottles. _So, definitely not getting shitfaced tonight_ , Jo thought.

"You know the way to the airport, yeah?" Anna asked once she was buckled back in.

"Yeah. I actually live near it."

"Oh. We could just go to your place then."

Jo glanced at Anna out of the corner of her eye and saw the smirk there. She wasn't sure if Anna really wanted to go to her house.

"Nah. I'm just kidding. I want to go watch the airplanes take off for a little while. It's really pretty at night."

Jo nodded, swallowing her relief and maneuvering the car towards Hartsfield-Jackson.

…

The airplanes were louder than expected. They had to sit really close and kind of shout, just like they were in a club. Jo had the impression that maybe Anna didn't want to hear what people had to say but wanted them to feel like she was listening. She always seemed to put them in situations with some sort of barrier, a sound barrier. They were close but there was a distance. And Jo was throwing back her beer as fast as she could, clinging to that defense mechanism. They were silent for a while, enjoying the closeness, the warmth as the night got a little cooler—down into the 70s—and the rushes of wind when the planes took off.

"Are you sad?" Anna asked, stage whispering mostly into Jo's hair.

Jo was silent for a minute. "Everyone's a little sad, right?" She was definitely a little tipsy, polishing off her second beer.

"Slow down, baby girl." Anna said and Jo's stomach rolled at the pet name. "You only get one more beer after this."

"I don't even like beer." The alcohol had loosened Jo's tongue. "It mostly just tastes like piss. Not that I know what piss tastes like. But you know what I mean."

Anna giggled. "Yeah, I know what you mean. But it's cheap." She held her own bottle up, still her first, and Jo took it as a sign to clack her bottle against Anna's in a toast of sorts.

"Chin chin." Jo saluted and Anna laughed again.

"What did you just say?"

"Chin chin?  I don't know. I saw it in a movie once. I think it's British."

"Ha. Of course it is." Anna shook her head and finished her beer, reaching for another. She popped the top off with the bottle opener on her key chain and laid back down, very close to Jo with her breath puffing in Jo's hair. Jo could have sworn they were going to kiss at that moment. But they didn't. They just sat in silence and waited for the next plane to take off, watching its flashing lights like a UFO in the night sky.

"Are you gonna ask me if I believe in aliens?" Jo mumbled after finishing her bottle. She started reaching for her final one and realized she was a bit more drunk than she realized. You never do realize it when you're just laying around, hoping to get kissed.

"No?" Anna scrunched her face up, looking a little confused. "Do you want me to?"

"Yeah, I think I do." Jo laughed nervously as she finally managed to get the beer out of the carrier. She stuck her hand out for the bottle opener but forgot the word for it and couldn't vocalize her request. Anna just stared at her for a second before realizing what it was Jo wanted.

"Thanks." Jo muttered and awkwardly climbed back on the hood of the car.

"Well?" Anna prompted and Jo felt lost.

"Well what?"

"Do you believe in aliens or nah?"

"Oh!" Jo smacked her forehead. "Duh. Yes, I do. What about you?"

"That was…not much of a conversation starter. You're not gonna say 'I don't know, maybe. It'd be cool if there was life out there, you know?'"

"Is that what you expected?"

"That's what people say when they're trying to be deep, I guess. You're just a straight up nerd who recognizes the implausibility of us being the only ones in the entire complex and vast universe. I guess I prefer your answer anyway."

"S'at mean you do believe in aliens?"

"Ha. I guess so, yeah. Logically, it doesn't make sense not to. But I don't spend a whole lot of time thinking about it, if that's what you're asking."

"What about ghosts? Angels? Miracles? Love at first sight?"

"That's a little too many questions all in one go." She took a swig of her beer and made a bit of a face at the taste. "Ghosts, those I'm a bit on the fence about. Like…I don't think I believe human souls are just _wandering_ around rattling chains and moving peoples' car keys just 'cause they have some unfinished business or something. But yeah, like maybe residual human energy. Like…you know how you can just feel sadness in some places? Like, any plantation, walk around in the trees or the fields. You'll feel sad."

"Not bad." Jo was smirking with the lip of her bottle against her own lips, preparing to take a sip after she asked the next question. "Miracles?"

"Wait. You didn't answer about ghosts."

"Oh. I guess I didn't. Hmm. Yeah, I guess I believe in them…I don't know."

"Okay. Well, miracles…not really. I'm definitely not religious, so that rules out the angels too. I think everything is just a confluence of events set in motion by other events that were confluences of other events. You?"

"I believe in human miracles."

"What does that mean?"

"You know, like when bad shit happens and people just come together and start caring monumentally more than they ever have before? You know, like digging their neighbors out of their wrecked homes and rebuilding after hurricanes and earthquakes and tsunamis."

"You know that's not really a 'miracle,' right?"

"Well, yeah. It's not like…magic or something. But it's definitely a phenomenon, you know? Like, extraordinary circumstances and stuff?"

Anna hummed, her lips light vibrating in thought. "And love at first sight? Not really." Jo's stomach rolled and she felt her face grow red in the dark despite the cold. She'd almost forgotten she actually asked that. "Like at first sight, though. That makes sense to me. Someone you immediately click with. Someone you're comfortable with and you instantly become best friends, without even having to say anything. That I believe in. And if you're bisexual like me, that could be anyone!"

"I guess that is a plus." Jo muttered, the bottle nearly in her mouth.

"What was that?" Anna said, leaning in, getting in to Jo's space.

"Nothing." Jo brushed it off.

"No. What did you say?" Anna leaned in some more, a smile plastered on her face. _Oh no_.

"Nothing!" Jo tried one more time but that was it. Anna was tickling her, thin fingers trying to dig in to Jo's side while Anna repeated "What did you say? What did you say?" with the both of them laughing. Eventually, Anna stopped and their laughter died out as they gazed up at the sky, hardly able to see any stars at all.

"Maybe we should do this out the country some time, so we can really see the stars." Jo suggested, feeling nervous about it the second it left her mouth.

"That's not a bad idea."

…

"You weren't kidding. You really do live close to the airport. I feel bad for making you drive all the way up to get me."

"It's really fine. It really isn't that far. It's just I-75, you know?"

Anna's eyes widened, clearly recognizing the horribleness of the traffic.

"Thanks for letting me crash."

"I got the space." Jo was lying a little bit. She lived in a duplex on Orchard Street and had a living room couch separated by a stand up divider. Of course, she gave Anna her bed and she took the couch—the whole time insisting that it was totally okay and that her couch was super comfy and she actually slept on it half the time anyway. It was only half a lie. She slept on it about half the time but usually in the middle of doing homework. It wasn't all that comfortable but Anna really didn't argue. The alcohol had made her sleepy and she was softly snoring before Jo even finished making her bed on the couch.

…

The next morning, Jo woke up at a quarter til noon, a small headache throbbing just above her eyes. She hadn't had any water to drink last night and totally forgot to take any Ibuprofen before passing out. Quietly, she rose and padded into the kitchen for a glass of water and the pills. She poured out four tablets, two to bring to Anna, and got a second glass for her house guest. When she walked around the divider into her bedroom, Anna's brilliant red hair was splayed out over Jo's pillows and Jo's stomach rolled at the sight, taking in the fact that Anna was not wearing a shirt underneath her sheets.

Anna was awake, scrolling through something on her cracked screen. Her eyes flicked up when Jo's foot caught on a creaky floorboard.

"Morning." Jo covered herself, looking away to try to hide her blushing.

"Jo!" Anna exclaimed and Jo's eyes snapped up, scared. "You are a saint!" She reached for the glass of water and the obviously cupped hand containing drugs, the sheet slipping down and revealing her breast. Jo tried really hard not to look but she couldn't help be slightly distracted by the areolas. She took just a small peak and then took all of her willpower not to look again.

"You don't have class today?" Anna asked after easily gulping down the two pills.

"Fuck!" Jo's stomach rolled for a completely different reason. "Fuck." She muttered.

"You don't strike me as the kind of person who skips a lot."

"I'm not." Jo shook her head furiously, moving around the room and trying to gather up her stuff to rush to her second class. She'd already missed her first one. "Fuck."

"Relax, Blondie. If you never skip, you can afford one day. I promise."

Jo huffed and flopped onto the edge of her own bed. "No, I guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right. I'm always right." Anna smirked and started shifting to get out of the bed. She was still wearing her underwear, _thank fuck_.

"You want to go get lunch?" Jo suggested, moving towards her closet to distract herself from Anna's body. "And do you want to borrow some clothes so you're not having to walk around in the same stuff you wore yesterday?"

"Yes, please!" Anna piped up, moving over to look into the closet. She spotted a sundress and grabbed for it. "Is this okay?"

"Perfect." Jo barely looked at it as she grabbed a t-shirt off a hanger and exchanging it with the shirt she'd slept in from the day before. She'd kept her bra on so she didn't feel too weird swapping the shirts.

"So, lunch?" Anna reiterated, stepping into the dress.

"Oh. Yeah. Where do you want to go?"

"What time is it?" Anna craned her neck around to find the clock in the room on the night stand. It was almost noon. "We have to go to Jay's."

"What's that?" Jo tried to be sneaky as she pulled on a pair of shorts.

"Ah. You're gonna love it. They serve breakfast all day. And I don't care when I wake up, my first meal of the day is always breakfast."

"Oh. Cool. I'm always up for breakfast food." Jo shrugged, slipping on shoes.

"I knew I liked you!" Anna said, pulling on her own shoes and slipping her purse over her shoulder.

"I'd hope so." Jo muttered, smiling when Anna flipped her the bird. "Oh, real mature."

Jo had the distinct impression that her name ought to have been inserted into that sentence but wasn't. She wondered if Anna even remembered her name. She made a note to tell a story later where she could inconspicuously slip her own name in and give Anna a little reminder.

"Well, you lead the way, captain." Jo said, moving out towards the front door.

"You want me to drive?" Anna turned to her, looking excited.

"Can you drive?"

"Pft. Please. Of course I can drive!"

"All right. Just don't crash my car."

…

As it turned out, Anna really couldn't drive. _But she did know the directions so at least there's that_ , Jo reassured herself. Jay's was closer to the north side of town but Anna knew a way around I-75, taking them all around the city and zigzagging through residential areas. They finally got there after Anna changed the radio station through the whole cycle of all stations in the area like ten times.

"I just don't really know what I feel like listening to today." She explained.

"Do you have anything on your phone? I have an aux cord."

"Ah nah." She turned the radio off entirely. "We're almost there."

The diner was pretty empty since it was a Friday afternoon and it was not really anywhere near downtown. It had a few separate rooms and all of them were small but it had kind of loud music and Jo found herself having talk louder over it than she really would have liked. She got uncomfortable again, with that same feeling that Anna wanted a barrier between them—and she realized that during the night while they were sleeping there was a physical barrier between them.

They ordered off the menu, all the orders with quirkly little names like "Strawberry Fields Forever" for strawberry pancakes. Even the bacon and sausage had silly names. Their waitress told them it'd be about fifteen minutes and the girls nodded as they handed their menus back to her.

"So, tell me about yourself." Anna instructed, sipping her sweet tea and looking as smug as possible for no particular reason. That kind of question is awkward. You have to pick out what you think will be relevant to the other person, but also whatever you said spoke volumes about how you perceive yourself.

"Jo Harvelle. From central Nebraska. My dad died when I was real little. My mom now runs the bar my dad bought when they first got married is busy a lot. We don't talk much."

"You're from Nebraska?" Anna looked baffled.

"Yeah, I am. Some people have to be, right?" She laughed and sipped her tea as well. That was one thing she took to very quickly in the south—the sweet tea. She wound up ordering it pretty much any time she went out to eat. Pretty much without exception. She was glad to see Anna drinking it too, especially since she was pretty sure Anna wasn't from down here either.

"Is that a state that even exists?" Anna snarked.

"Well, Nebraska seems pretty real. But I can't account for Wyoming or North Dakota."

"Yeah, those always seemed pretty suspicious to me." Anna nodded solemnly, her deadpan unwavering. "What about school? What's your major?"

"Ha. Psychology." Jo shrugged, clearly a little embarrassed to admit it. "It's a little too easy, but I wanted to help people. I didn't realize I'd have to go to grad school to be able to go anywhere with my shitty degree."

"It's not a shitty degree." Anna interrupted, suddenly very serious. "I think it's a very noble pursuit. "And there's no such thing as a stupid degree. Unless it's in performance arts."

"That sounds like personal experience."

"Of course it is." Anna smiled, snorting self-deprecatingly. "I'm doing what I always wanted to do and I didn't even have to keep paying those scam artists for it."

Jo wanted to ask about the salary. She would have, too, if she had known Anna better, but she didn't. She just nodded, falsely enthusiastic so Anna wouldn't be too suspicious of Jo's real opinions on people who drop out of school. It's just…hard. But she knew she was privileged. Knew she was damn lucky her parents had set aside a nice chunk of money for her to go to college after the business picked up.

"Don't drop of school if you don't have to. You have scholarships?"

Jo nodded. "And my parents set aside a pretty sizeable chunk of money for my college fund when their business started up. They put it in a CD thing so it actually gained a pretty good amount from interest in the fifteen years it sat around."

"Well, if you need more money there are so many scholarships out there. People really want to give you money."

Jo nodded again. She knew that as a truth. Her high school had had several brochures about different in-state scholarships but she never really read them since she knew she was going to go school somewhere else—anywhere else, if she could at all help it. Her mother had cried like crazy when she'd told her she was going to move to Atlanta to go to school but Ellen had flown down with her and seen to it that she'd gotten moved in okay, even co-signed the lease so they could forgo the safety deposit.

"Don't fuck this up, kid." Her mom had smirked, her hands on Jo's shoulders and looking her right in the eyes.

"Thanks, Mom." And that was the last time she saw her, almost two years ago.

"Do you work, Jo?" Anna suddenly looked at her like it hadn't occurred to her at all until that point.

"Oh, uh, yeah. I have a part time job at the Publix near the airport. It's really part time though. I just bag groceries on weekends and a few times during the week."

"Do you have work today?"

"Yeah. From five til close. So I get off at ten."

"Do you want to go swimming tonight? The show gets done at around ten so I can be at Publix a little after that." Anna was looking thoughtful.

"Oh, wow. That sounds nice. You have a pool?"

"Ha. No. I don't have a pool. But I do know someone who has a pool. Should I pick you up?"

"Do you have a car?"

"No, but I know someone who has a car. I can borrow it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, definitely." She waved her hand, clearly waving it off. "He owes me one, anyway."

"Ha. Sounds good."

They were silent for a minute and Jo saw their food coming.

"Food!" she exclaimed, clearly very hungry. It was good to have a nice, hearty and greasy breakfast after her minor hangover.

Anna laughed, it reaching her eyes and crinkling the skin there. It was such a lovely expression, Jo thought she was in love all over again with the smell of bacon in the air.

"What about you, Anna? We know all about Jo," Jo remembered to drop her name so no one had to be embarrassed to ask about it.

"What about Anna?" Anna eyed Jo wryly.

"You're an actor. Talk about that."

"Oh my god. Do you have ten years to hear about the drama that comes with drama? I mean, I've been doing it since I was little. Like, technically elementary school. I mean, I wasn't taking it too seriously at that point but people thought I was pretty talented 'cause I could do a bunch of different voices and sing pretty high and pretty low. So I guess you could say I had some talent from an early age."

"Yeah, I think I would say that." Jo smirked and started digging into her strawberry pancakes.

"Ha. Thanks. I mean, I took it a little more seriously in middle school since it was an after school thing then, rather than just being like a school production. I guess that's when it gets serious. Like, elementary school kids are competitive but they don't necessarily recognize it. But when we get to middle school, we're cognitive at that point. I was about to drag this one girl out into the parking lot by her hair when she got a lead role over me. That was sixth grade though. From then on, I got the leads. She dropped out of drama after middle school."

Jo snickered, clearly seeing the poetic justice there.

"In high school, drama was everything. I didn't really care about school anymore. I was traveling with the drama department, going to competitions, making State. Stuff like that. I lived the drama life. I hung out with the drama kids but we were all catty—a bunch of gay guys and a bunch of, mostly, straight women. It's really still like that. The directors and stuff, if they're guys, are usually straight though. And all the straight girls want to date that one straight guy who is on the cast. Usually, he's the lead too. And I mean, drama types, we all want the lead. So all the girls want to play opposite the straight guy."

"Oh." Jo was sopping up some egg yolk with a strip of bacon, pretending like she wasn't a little bothered by the subject.

"I never really cared who I was playing opposite of, as long as they did their job right. And I'll admit, I tried to be the director even when I was acting because I wanted to tell people what to do and that they were doing everything wrong. I guess we all get like that sometimes. And some days are worse than others. Like, two weeks before the show we're all like 'Yeah! This show is gonna be great!' But then, the week right before the show it feels like everything is falling apart and none of the costumes are ready and the leads—me and some dude—keep fucking up their lines and the understudy is ready to trip me so I break my neck and they get to go on opening night."

"Gosh. This is pretty cut throat."

"It certainly can be. Everyone fancies themselves an actor, you know? We have to be like that if we want to stand out. But also we're just like that and it gives us a place to be like that without too many people questioning it."

"Damn."

"You're not like that, though." Anna said, not asking a question. "You're not neurotic."

"No. I guess I have self esteem issues."

"Oh, girl. Drama kids have so many self esteem issues. We just pretend like we don't to an extreme. Like, we want to show boat so everyone thinks we're way cooler than we actually are."

"I guess I'm just a wallflower."

"Is that so?" Anna smirked before stuffing some French toast in her mouth. Jo just nodded, finishing up her pancakes. "Then tell me, what are the perks?"

"The perks?" Jo was confused, clearly being a wallflower was not a positive thing.

"You know, like the book. And the movie. 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower?'"

"Oh. I never saw that."

"Ha. It's okay."

"I honestly don't think there are perks." Jo shrugged, reaching to finish her bacon. "It keeps me from doing a lot of things. I think about them, when people invite me out, you know? And a part of me wants to say yes but another, usually bigger, part just wants to stay home to study and relax. Because I always think about what it would be like to be out and about with other people and all the things that could go wrong. I'm constantly aware of my body and if this slightly weird move will let people know that I'm thinking too much about my movements and that I'm actually the most fucking awkward person in the world."

"Oh." Anna nodded, clearly not understanding it that well. "That is a self esteem issue, I guess. I don't have it that bad. I wouldn't be able to act at all if I did."

"Well, then I'd say the perk is not being a wallflower."

Anna nodded again and ate her last few bites. They asked for sweet teas to go and the check. Anna insisted she'd pay since she was the one who stole Jo's bed last night. Jo didn't like it but Anna was already handing the waitress a twenty dollar bill before she could even hand off the check.

Anna drove them to her own house rather than trying to direct Jo, pulling something up on her cracked phone screen. It was slow and sweet and Jo didn't recognize it but she liked it and she enjoyed the lack of conversation that was filled with Anna humming and softly singing along to whatever it was. Her driving was considerably less hackneyed than it was initially. "It just takes me some time to get back in the swing of it." She explained.

Anna's house was actually pretty close to Jay's diner so the trip was short. She pulled up in front of a pretty old and definitely run down looking two story house.

"This is where you live?" Jo questioned, careful to control her tone so as not to sound as she was passing a judgment about it—merely asking for clarification.

"This is me. I share it with a few other people. That's how it's affordable you know. I've got a few roommates. Two are actors and two are boyfriends of actors."

"Sounds like a lot of testosterone."

"It's not all boys." Anna laughed and got out of the car. "I'll see you at ten at that Publix, yeah?" she said, sticking her head back in the open window.

"Oh," Jo had forgotten they'd brought that up, a bit distracted by all the drama talk, "Yeah. Sure. Thanks."

"Have a good time at work!" she called, smiling warmly before making her way across the browning lawn.

…

Work passed so slowly, Jo thinking the entire time about them trying to swim at night. She guessed there would be alcohol involved. Since that seemed to be Anna's go-to. _Another barrier_ , Jo realized. Jo was a nervous person. But when she was drunk she got handsy. Especially if she was attracted to a girl around her. She just wanted to put her hands all over her and grab her boobs if she could. She didn't know if she was going to be able to behave around Anna one more time.

Traffic was very light in the store that night and they actually closed a little bit early so Jo wound up shooting a text message to Anna to tell her she was going to drive herself home to get a bathing suit and a towel. Anna didn't reply, but she hoped that Anna had at least looked at it. She didn't have the message receipts on so Jo never really knew.

She pulled her bathing suit on, a modest two-piece that covered everything and more that a one piece would cover and sat on the edge of her bed with her window open, just listening to the night sounds. It was summer but the sun had still set an hour beforehand, around 9:30. She was starting to chicken out, thinking she should maybe just text Anna not to come at all. That she had a lot of homework to do to make up for the classes she'd missed that day. But her hands didn't move to type it out. She just sat there.

Suddenly, a very loud almost ripping sound came from her window and Anna came toppling into the room, red-hair flying in first.

"What the fuck?" Jo exclaimed, jumping up to move towards Anna who was now standing up from the floor where she'd done a barrel roll. "Did you just take my screen off and climb in through my window?"

"Yeah." Anna shrugged, looking a little sheepish and wiping fake dust off her, "I thought I'd be cool, but I guess it really wasn't. I hope I didn't break the screen. I left it on the ground out there. I guess I'm just taking the Peter Pan role a little seriously."

Jo laughed at that. "Maybe just a little bit. I doubt you broke it though. They pop off and everything." She peaked out the window and saw that the screen was propped on the ground. She silently thanked some deity that she lived on the first floor. She didn't even know what to think if Anna had tried to scale up a building to try to get into her room. It would have been…romantic? But weirdly John Hughes of her. But it wasn't romantic. It couldn't be. They were just friends. And Anna was probably lonely. That's why she'd started really clinging to Jo these past few nights. Obviously.

"You ready to swim?" Anna smiled, changing the subject and gesturing to Jo standing there in her bathing suit.

"Oh, uh, yeah. I guess so. We should definitely put the screen back on though, before we go."

"Of course." Anna nodded and watched as Jo moved forward to shut the window. Jo turned around and saw Anna looking at her. Contemplating, clearly.

"What?" Jo said but before she could even really finish asking Anna had kissed her. It was so fast and brief that Jo didn't have time to kiss back. Her lips were still dry when Anna moved away. "Oh." Jo felt her face flushing and her eyes were definitely wide. She felt like she was mimicking that blushing emoji exactly.

"Come on. Let's go." Anna smirked, clearly not fazed by what she'd done. Jo's heart was doing flips but she followed Anna out of her own front door. Anna apologized about the screen again and was the one to pop it back in.

"Good as new." Jo joked, trying to feel normal but she was hyper aware of her body again. She had her arms crossed over her chest, trying to keep them from doing anything embarrassing.

"Good as new." Anna nodded and led them out to the car she borrowed and had parked out on the street. Jalopy was putting it nicely. The windows were rolled down—and actually came with the manual levers to roll them—because the air conditioner didn't work. Fortunately, it felt nice outside but Jo could hardly imagine it during the day. The ceiling lining was falling down around the outside, near the doors so they both had to lift it up to slide into the car. And it was sagging in the middle so she couldn't quite see Anna on the other side. However, she clearly saw Anna slam the tape deck back into its slot to get it to work, immediately starting to play some loud hip hop from the early 90s. It also became quickly apparent that the speedometer did not function properly.

"This thing is a speeding metal death-trap." Jo blurted, trying to be funny but Anna's responding silence told her that Anna was embarrassed about it a little bit.

"It's my brother Cas'." She explained after awhile. They got onto I-75 and after some, frankly, impressive maneuvering and a few resounding honks from other cars, she got them all the way into the outer lane, the one that during the day is reserved for cars with two or more passengers—y'know, to encourage carpooling and whatnot during rush hour.

"Wow." Jo commented when they finally slid into that sixth lane. "You're pretty good at this."

"Lots of practice." Anna waved it off. "I've been living here for about six years. You live here long enough, you get kind of crass and stop worrying so much about what strangers driving alongside you think of you." They were flying under some overpasses as the rest of the traffic around them was still crawling. It was almost 11 PM and somehow traffic was still this slow. They were headed towards downtown and as they neared their exit it was a little more difficult to get off the interstate than it was to get on, but somehow Anna managed it. With even less honks this time.

They passed by the Cheesecake Factory and pulled onto a residential road where there were lots of trees and big houses on hills. _Fuck_ , Jo thought. _This isn't someone she knows, is it? This is going to be us breaking into someone's fancy ass house_. She was panicking as Anna pulled into a drive way, a very long driveway, with the house very far back from the road and shrouded by old oak trees dripping with Spanish moss. She almost didn't want to ask, but Jo's conscious didn't let her blissfully ignore the niggling feeling that was telling her she had to know who's house it was.

"Who's house is this?"

"One of the guys in the troop, the one who's playing John, this is his parents' house. They really like me because they think I'm his girlfriend. You know, being a beard and all."

"Oh." Jo nodded and felt a little comforted by that. She figured they didn't really know Anna and Jo were going to be using the pool but at least it was someone they knew and not some random strangers breaking in to their pool.

"John told me they're out of the country right now. Somewhere in Europe, I think. So we don't have to worry about anything and they don't really need to know. Sam said it was totally fine."

"Why doesn't Sam live here?"

"He's one of my roommates. Plus, he's self-sufficient. He's almost thirty and it would totally ruin his cred if he still lived with his rich parents. His brother's the same. But his brother's not an actor. He actually moved to Michigan and married a girl who already had a kid. They're cute though."

"Oh." Jo nodded as Anna parked the car around the back, near the pool which had a waterfall and was screened in. "I know which one their parents are more proud of."

"Sam's the younger one." Anna shrugged and pulled the tape deck out a little bit after shutting the car off. "They don't expect him to get married for a little while longer. I think they're gonna be a bit disappointed when he comes home with a man on his arm. Ha."

"Do you think he ever will?"

"He's been trying to work up the courage to. I think he'll get to it eventually." Anna pulled out a key from her swim bag and unlocked the screen door. She must have gotten the key from Sam himself.

"More power to him." Jo muttered.

"It must be rough being gay." Anna remarked and Jo felt her stomach roll. It was tough. How do you tell your parents? Or do you ever tell them?

"Yeah, I guess it is." Jo agreed quietly, following Anna in to the pool. They both put their stuff in chairs.

"Hold on just a second." Anna told her, making her way to the other side of the pool. There were some pumps and other control panels there and Anna fiddled with them for a second, shining light on one panel with her cell flashlight. A purple light came on in the pool—it was beautiful, Jo thought—and Anna hollered across it that it was 88 degrees in the pool.

"That's kinda warm, don't you think?" Jo called back, not daring to dip her foot in yet.

"Nah. It's actually really comfortable. Try it out." Anna stripped off the dress she'd been wearing over her bathing suit to reveal the string bikini on underneath it. Jo swallowed hard at the sight, the memory of the kiss running over in her mind. She was narrating it and giving rationale behind it that hardly even made sense. It probably wasn't romantic. In fact, Anna could totally be drunk right now, couldn't she? Jo thought, watching the girl launch herself right into the pool and dunk all the way under to get her hair wet. When she emerged again, Jo felt completely frozen to the spot.

"It feels so good, Jo. Come on. Dip your feet in a little if you don't believe me." Anna walked back up the steps and stuck her hand out for Jo to take it. "Come on." Jo wasn't sure what it was but something moved her forward, like her legs were responding to external stimuli, forces beyond her control. She took Anna's hand and she realized that was the first time she'd touched Anna first and there'd been no alcohol involved at all. Of course, Anna's hand was wet but it was soft and warm and Jo wanted to lace their fingers together but she resisted, instead letting herself be led into the warm water. Anna hadn't been lying, it really was a really nice temperature, cooler than she expected. She waded in and dunked her head under too, feeling the cool tendrils of the water part through her long hair. When she came up she saw Anna looking at her, a sweet expression really. But she couldn't focus on Anna's face too long. She diverted her eyes and looked up, wishing to see stars though she knew they were in the middle of the city. However, she could see a few through the screened in roof. It was a relief and somehow the sight of those few tiny pinpricks in the sky made her shoulders relax.

"It's so nice out." She commented, mostly off-hand. She just was filled with something. Not necessarily love but romance. Like, the weather was perfect and the stars were sort of out and both of them had their hair slicked back and over their shoulders like mermaids. And Anna had made this happen. She had invited Jo out and they were here and the more Jo thought about it the more she didn't think Anna had had anything to drink at all.

So what was the play here? Was Anna really into her? Because that would be a first. She'd made it this far and no one had been particularly interested in her. But she suspected it might be the whole…monosexual thing. It was probably easier for Anna since her first relationship was likely with a boy. Jo still hadn't figured out how to signal to a girl that she was gay without…y'know, creeping someone out. Which happened a lot with straight girls. And to be perfectly honest, she'd never actually met another bisexual girl and hadn't managed to make many friends in college but just the idea of being surrounded by other girls who liked girls was like bliss to her and she didn't want to blow it if Anna wasn't really into her. And then her mind looped back to the idea that maybe Anna was drunk.

"Did you have something to drink before you came to pick me up?" Jo blurted, reclining back on the steps and gazing up at the stars. She didn't have the courage to look at Anna's face but there was a stunned silence that followed the question and then Anna moved forward.

"No? Why would you ask that?"

"I don't know. You pulled off my screen and climbed into my window and then after that…" Jo didn't have the courage to say the word kiss. It wouldn't even come out of her throat, just sitting there like a rock stuck in her vocal folds.

"You mean when I kissed you?" Anna moved in closer and was practically standing between Jo's legs. Jo just nodded. "I like you, you dummy." Anna laughed and then she was leaning forward, into Jo's space and slotting a leg between Jo's legs.

"You do?" Jo squeaked.

"Mhm." Anna nodded and then she was moving in to kiss Jo. It was an open mouthed kiss and Anna was the one taking control of it. She wasn't really sure how Anna was controlling it but she was, opening and closing her mouth in turns and steadily moving her tongue into Jo's mouth. Jo had never really done it before but she found it to be relatively intuitive. She figured out how much to open her own mouth and their tongues moved over each other in a pleasant way. Jo was so distracted by the kiss that she didn't even really notice Anna's leg moving between her legs until a ripple of pleasure caused her hips to buck. She broke away from Anna's mouth to whisper a soft "oh." Anna just laughed and went to kiss Jo's neck, having a little bit of a hard time moving away the wet hair caked onto her neck and shoulder. It made Jo laugh nervously and Anna laughed a real, hearty laugh back. But then things turned more serious. Anna was rocking down into Jo, between her legs and causing serious friction and Jo felt so exposed. But it felt so good and she heard herself releasing this small breaths with every thrust. Anna didn't try to kiss her again, instead focusing on thrusting and biting Jo's shoulder. Jo was surprised, she actually liked her shoulder being bitten and she was definitely enjoying the attention, but without being kissed her head was free to look around. There were dense tree lines on either side of the yard so there wasn't an issue of privacy or the neighbors seeing them fucking in the pool. Her eyes wandered up to the stars again, feeling the magic of it as an orgasm started to build in her stomach.

She nearly blinked and missed it, but as Anna reached into Jo's bathing suit to rub at Jo's clit, she could have sworn she saw a shooting star.

"I think I just saw a shooting star." She breathed, completely astounded.

"Did you make a wish?" Anna whispered into Jo's ear, never stilling her hand.

"Ah," Jo tried to keep her cry quiet and bit her lip, "No."

"You should have." Anna huffed a small laugh and sped her finger up causing Jo's mouth to fall open and the puffs of air to come out faster and faster. Her stomach muscles were tightening and she knew if Anna kept up the pace then she was going to come. Jo screwed her eyes shut tight and just waited, allowing herself to bask in the idea that someone was touching her and it turned her on even more. So much that it was only a matter of a few seconds before she finally climaxed. Then, Anna finally moved back to her mouth, kissing her slowly and moving her hand out of Jo's swimming shorts.

There was a part of Jo that really wanted to ramble about how amazing that was and thank Anna a million times for it but another part, maybe a part that had rubbed off from spending just a little time with Anna, told her she had to be cool and kept quiet. Anna had moved away, diving down into the water a few times and splashing around a little bit. Jo just stayed reclined and watched the stars again. She couldn't find it in herself to feel ashamed of what had happened and that was a first too. She always had felt dirty whenever she masturbated and thought about girls kissing her or touching her. But it felt amazing now. And she felt a little amazed by Anna.

They kissed some more and talked more about drama drama before their fingers got pruny and they decided to finally get out of the pool, wrapping their towels tightly around themselves because the night air had dropped into the low 70s.

Jo's heart lurched when Anna's found hers and twined their fingers together in the car on the way home.

"Do you have work tomorrow?" Anna asked, driving the car slowly back down the driveway.

"Not until five, again."

"Do you want to stay the night with me?" Anna sounded uncharacteristically shy.

"As long as I can use your shower."

Anna snorted. "Yeah, I think I can arrange that."

They wound up showering together, kissing a little more but not much else. Anna's house was cavernous and clearly lived in by a few boys but it was still pretty clean. It seemed like it was set up to rent out since all the bedrooms had their own bathrooms.

When they got out of the shower, Anna leant Jo some comfy pajamas and they huddled together on Anna's bed, passing out pretty quickly.

…

Anna made breakfast for Jo, simple bacon and toast, and introduced her to all the roommates that were awake. It was nearly noon, again, and Anna explained that drama people really weren't morning people. _They needed their beauty sleep_ , the one she'd finally identified as Sam said and winked at Jo. She felt really cozy in the dinky little house and enjoyed the company. At least at that moment. They didn't say anything about Jo and Anna spending the night together though they could probably guess.  After a nice chat over coffee, Anna drove Jo home.

"I think we're gonna have a little get-together type thing after the show tonight. Someone who lives in Duluth is hosting it and it should be a relative big venue. Should be nice. If you're not too tired after work, think you might be up to it?" Anna asked when they were almost back to Jo's house.

"Sounds great." Jo smiled, hopping out of the car in the clothes Anna had let her borrow before leaving the house. Though Anna was a little taller and thinner than Jo, the clothes still fit and it made Jo feel comforted. It could be a benefit of dating a girl, not even thinking about all the other negative things associated with a girl dating another girl—there were plenty. But she had made a good impression on the roommates, it seemed. And she felt a little swell of pride at that. Maybe should make some new friends. Maybe even some gay friends. Like, gay girls that is.

She still didn't really know if her and Anna were dating. Or if it was just hanging out and occasionally having sex if the mood struck. Was that "friends with benefits?" Jo thought maybe she could handle a friends with benefits situation, especially with the possibility of finding someone she could actually date through Anna.

Jo felt her phone vibrate in her purse as she was unlocking her front door. She was surprised since she figured it would be dead by then, but she resolved to look at it after she got settled in and took care of everything before a nap before work.

She didn't know why, but that late night swim had taken a bit out of her. She rinsed out her bathing suit and tossed Anna's clothes into her dirty clothes hamper, pulling on her own pajamas before climbing into bed. She plugged her phone in and the screen lit up. It had been a text message from Anna that she must have sent right before she pulled the car away.

There were no words. Only: <3.

Maybe they were dating after all. And Jo felt overwhelmed at the thought as she snuggled down into her own sheets that still had a hint of Anna's scent in them. 


End file.
